Shorrock To The System
As many of you will know, I am the official biographer* for former Little River Band frontman Glenn Shorrock. Whilst most of what Glenn wanted to say was captured in his memoir** ‘The Other Guy’, it appears that Mr Shorrock has more current events on his mind as this recent diary extract*** reveals.
*fake biographer
**fake memoir
***fake diary extract
Thursday 18 January 2018
Pop Quiz trendsetters. What do TISM, The Sharp, Rodney Rude and Little River Band have in common?
Well three of them are not in the ARIA Hall of Fame so that’s not it. In fact I am in there twice, once as a solo artist and once as the true lead singer for LRB. But who is really counting?
And it’s important that I stress the ‘true lead singer’ as I wouldn’t want the good burghers out there to think that those charlatans in America masquerading under the name LRB were worthy of a phallic trophy.
No, what we have in common is that these legends of the Australian music scene have failed to secure a spot on Cory Bernardi’s ‘Australia Day’ Spotify playlist.
You know Cory Bernardi right? He’s the guy who had this to say about Marriage Equality back in 2012:
“There are even some creepy people out there… [who] say it is OK to have consensual sexual relations between humans and animals.
“Will that be a future step? In the future will we say, ‘These two creatures love each other and maybe they should be able to be joined in a union”.
Now if by ‘two creatures’ he means a Labrador and a duck then, quite frankly, I am all for that. If a canine and an aquatic bird love one another very much then who are we to judge? Mind you, if rover and quacky are of the same sex then Senator Bernardi has some views.
This time last year, Bernardi left the Liberal Party to create his own political party called the Australian Conservatives — an organisation so far to the right that the ghost of Francisco Franco issued a press release distancing himself from the movement.
Now instead of working on actual policies over the Christmas break (doesn’t it feel great to say ‘Christmas’ again!), DJ Cory-Bizzle has dropped a hella sick playlist on Spotify.
This is apparently in response to Triple J (a station I am vaguely aware exists) moving their Hottest 100 countdown away from Australia Day. Now I’m not really sure what most of that last sentence actually means but that is hardly the point.
The last time Triple J was in any way relevant was back in 2001 when they play listed a cover of a little song you may have heard called ‘Reminiscing’. The band covering it was called Madison Avenue, which was appropriate given their version sounded like it was recorded by a Manhattan advertising agency.
I remember at the time thinking that this could see a resurgence of the original and superior version by yours truly. I haven’t told many people this before but John Lennon considered ‘Reminiscing’ as one of his favourite songs. I feared what dear sweet John would have thought about the Madison Avenue cover but then I was comforted in the knowledge that the CIA had another tune to add to their own playlist: ‘songs to torture people by’.
Now I read that most of the artists that appear on MC Feel-Da-Bern’s playlist have revolted! Colin Hay, Barnesy and Bernard Fanning have all been vocal about their inclusion on a list of songs that appear to be lifted from a mix-tape stolen from the glove box of a VL Commodore.
Noticeable in his silence is my old replacement Johnny ‘Sadie’ Farnham. No doubt he is happy as a pig in shit that ‘You’re The Voice’ got a guernsey. But to be fair to Sadie he is probably too busy filming the next season of Doc Martin for ITV to deny his complicity.
As for the addition of ‘My Island Home’ by Christine Anu, I am unsure whether Cory-Allegory is completely tone deaf or if he is simply trolling anyone to the left of Benito Mussolini.
Now speaking of trolling, I know I should be happy that I don’t appear on this list, thereby not having to spend the next few days talking about my objection, thereby not wasting valuable time that is better spent promoting my latest album (‘Rise Again’ — still plenty in stock I am reliably informed).
But what keeps me awake at night is failing to understand why Cory would play such games with my heart? I have tried to remain apolitical throughout my career so I cannot fathom what I have done to slight the Senator from South Australia.
Besides, for a political party looking to return to the 1950s, surely a song called ‘Reminiscing’ is fucking perfect for their campaign. I’m sure those pretenders using our old band name would be more than happy to perform it live for them on Australia Day.
‘The Other Guy’ is available on Amazon Kindle. Still plenty in stock I am reliably informed.
