Slave To Ambition: Foolishly ranking the songs of Crowded House (Part 1)
On 4 June, Crowded House will release their 7th studio album, Dreamers Are Waiting. Whilst there will be many things familiar to the Crowded House aesthetic on the new offering like founder Neil Finn on vocals and bassist Nick Seymour’s artwork, this is (once more) a change in band members and direction.
Casual observers will picture the classic line up in their mind: the aforementioned Neil and Nick along with that lovable rapscallion Paul Hester on the pots and pans. But the band as a trio only lasted the first two albums and the membership has expanded and contracted over the years as Neil has deemed necessary. What has remained consistent across the band’s 35 years has been the songwriting, mostly thanks to Finn (or Finns in a few cases).
So before we are treated to the first new album from the band in 11 years, let’s take a trip through their previous 6 studio albums and rank all 72 songs.
Why you may ask? What purpose does this serve? Well, very little in the grand scheme of things. My thoughts on where a deep cut from 1993s Together Alone ranks compared to ‘Something So Strong’ are not going to solve the ills of the world. But a little order in such disorder is a little better than nothing.
The other reason is that Crowded House is one of only a handful of bands where I feel I have the requisite knowledge to undertake such a task. In 1996, as a then newly minted 16 year old, I took a bus to Sydney with a school mate to see their Farewell To The World concert at the forecourt of the Opera House. It was my first trip to Sydney and I experienced the spectacle with a couple of hundred thousand strangers. I say strangers because I lost my mate in the swell of people thirty seconds into the set.
But most of all, these things fucking matter. So that’s why.
To embark on such a fool’s errand requires laying some ground rules so here they are:
- The list is limited to album tracks from their (to date) six studio albums. This means that songs from their brilliant rarities album Afterglow don’t make the list, nor do the three new songs that appear on their first Greatest Hits collection Recurring Dream. But let’s do a quick ranking here (because why the heck not). The best song on Afterglow is ‘Recurring Dream’ (a song that doesn’t appear on Recurring Dream. Confused yet?)
Meanwhile, the best of the new songs on Recurring Dream is ‘Not The Girl You Think You Are’, a song so utterly perfect that I have half a mind to break this first rule and include it in the list.
But I won’t.
2. Any bonus tracks are excluded, as is the secret track at the end of Woodface (‘I’m Still Here’) because it is A. an excerpt and B. terrible (intentional or otherwise).
3. The only exception to the above rule is the matter regarding the first album. Depending on where you lived, their 1986 debut either contained the song ‘Can’t Carry On’ or ‘I Walk Away’. When the band re-issued Deluxe Editions of all their albums in 2016, they chose to include both songs on the disc. As such, I will include both on this list.
Finally, a little methodology on how I worked out the rankings. I took the songs from the first album, arranged them in order from stone cold classic to ‘Can’t Carry On’ (no spoilers!) and then moved on to the second album and did the same thing. From there I merged the lists, where I determined if a particular song from the second album was better than a particular song from the first album. Then I moved on to the third album and…you get the picture.
The above paragraph may sound unnecessarily tedious but a few things to keep in mind:
- This is more transparency than you will ever get from the shadowy cabal that run the Golden Globes.
- You have already read 650 words of this nonsense so I can only assume you are in for the ride with me.
Ready to dive in?
72. ‘Falling Dove’
By a fair margin, Crowded House’s last studio album, 2010s Intriguer is their most underwhelming. It is therefore surprising that when the band issued deluxe versions of their back catalogue in 2016, the bonus disc for this album was the most interesting. By playing it too safe on the official release, they left on the table almost an album’s worth of superior material. ‘Falling Dove’ is the weakest of the tracks on the original album and its midpoint placing in the set will have casual listeners falling asleep before the second half begins.
71. ‘Isolation’
The other matter that impacted Intriguer was the fact that a handful of the songs had been road tested before recording began. Now that Crowded House were living in an era of YouTube, fans had been conditioned into the songs sounding a certain way. Neil obviously has every right to change the sound of them but for those of us that fell in love with the earlier demos, it was a difficult thing to parse. Below is the alternate (read: original) version of ‘Isolation’. If this version had made the album, it would have been ranked a lot higher.
70. ‘Kill Eye’
‘Kill Eye’ serves only one purpose and that is to stand in complete contrast to the song that follows it on 1998s Temple of Low Men. That being ‘Into Temptation’.
69. ‘Fame Is’
One of the consequences of the Crowded House/Finn Brothers mash up that is 1991s Woodface is that it has about four songs too many. This mid-paced rocker is a B-Side at best.
68. ‘Elephants’ & 67. ‘Heaven That I’m Making’
‘Elephants’ (the closer from Intriguer) feels like it should have been written for a kid’s film about the African wild. Meanwhile, ‘Heaven That I’m Making’ was written for a kid’s film about surfing penguins but didn’t make the final cut. It ended up on 2007s Time on Earth. Neither songs belong on a Crowded House album.
66. ‘Tall Trees’
Like ‘Fame Is’, another mid-paced tune on Woodface. At 2:19, it is the shortest song on the album and for that we can be thankful.
65. ‘In My Command’
This is one of two song on 1993s Together Alone that I hope are about Neil’s dog Lester. There is a lot going on musically in this song, in fact too much. Whilst Together Alone is a lush layered album, ‘In My Command’ feels like a step beyond.
64. ‘Italian Plastic’
Part of being ‘all-in’ on Crowded House’ is that you need to embrace the silly songs as well. What? You’re too good for ‘Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da’? Sung by the jester that was Paul Hester, ‘Italian Plastic’ does have the lovely line: When you wake up with me / I’ll be your glass of water
63. ‘Can’t Carry On’
Here in the Antipodes, the self titled debut had ‘Can’t Carry On’ towards the back of the set. In the early days of the internet I came across the fact that this was ousted and replaced for the US release. Fair to say this was the least shocking thing I ever saw on the internet.
62. ‘Even If’
For a ten track album, Intriguer had far too many ballads. ‘Even If’ was the best of the bunch but doesn’t hold a candle to any of the classics.
61. ‘Transit Lounge’
It has been well documented that at some point during the recording of Neil Finn’s third solo album that it morphed into a comeback Crowded House record. Nick Seymour was already on the album but, to ensure it had a band feel, Neil brought back multi-instrumentalist Mark Hart and recruited drummer Matt Sherrod. Four new numbers were recorded to add to Time On Earth, one of those being ‘Transit Lounge’, a woozy number that imbues the feeling of too many hours spent in airports (The papers I read were all yesterday’s news / Not a hundred percent sure what I did with my shoes).
60. ‘Skin Feeling’
The other tune with lead vocals from Paul Hester, ‘Skin Feeling’ is seen by many as the weakest song from Together Alone. I prefer to celebrate the fact that they completely ripped off ‘The Fly’ by U2 and then proceeded to beat them (and Nirvana and Pearl Jam) by winning the 1994 Brit Award for Best International Group.
59. ‘Chocolate Cake’
Three things here:
- How can a band have 4 killer singles waiting in the wings yet choose this song to be the lead single for Woodface?
- With a line like The excess of fat on your American bones / Will cushion the impact as you sink like a stone, releasing this song as a single in the US was one of the greatest acts of self-sabotage.
- The line before that? I saw Elvis Presley walk out of a 7-11/ And a woman gave birth to a baby and then bowled 257.
Perfection.
58. ‘Love This Life’
With thanks to their producer (and future band mate!) Mitchell Froom, Crowded House were often able to fuse a few of Neil’s songs (a chorus from here, a bridge from there) to create something bigger and bolder. ‘Love This Life’ has a killer line in the chorus: And maybe the day will come/ When you’ll never have to feel no pain. If only that line was put to better use elsewhere.
57. ‘All I Ask’
Both immediately before and immediately after Woodface, Tim Finn released fantastic solo albums. ‘All I Ask’ would have been a handy inclusion on either. It is a Tim Finn solo tune in all but name. It is the least sounding Crowded House song ever.
56. ‘Either Side Of The World’
Another one from Intriguer that changed once the band got to the recording studio. Slowed down and with an added Latin beat, ‘Either Side Of The World’, was the sound of a band comfortable with middle age.
55. ‘You Are The One To Make Me Cry’
Time on Earth is a record that cannot escape the sadness of Paul Hester’s suicide. Whether this song (like the next one on this list) is about Paulo or not doesn’t change the fact that when Neil’s falsetto kicks in towards the end, you can’t help but reach for the tissues.
54. ‘Black And White Boy’
If indeed ‘Black And White Boy’ is about Neil’s beloved Lester and not, as had long been assumed, Paul then that is one charming mother fucking dog. The song achieves what ‘In My Command’ is unable to do, lock into a good rhythm.
53. ‘People Are Like Suns’
Like a late-era slow burner from The Beatles, this lush number puts an end to their 2007 comeback album. Key line: What kind of fool imagines love / With all this going on?
52. ‘Tombstone’
Potentially too high for such a minor song but I love how Neil sang the shit out of every track on the first album. Though if we are ranking art named ‘Tombstone’, this comes second to the 1993 film of the same name.
51. ‘Archer’s Arrows’ & 50. ‘Amsterdam’
Perhaps the greatest issue with Intriguer is that it quickly followed Time on Earth. Both the songs listed here are fine enough album tracks but they feel stunted compared to most of what came before it.
49. ‘That’s What I Call Love’
The gap between the final Split Enz album and the first Crowded House record is just under two years. It makes sense that some of the old band sound resonates throughout Crowded House. This is keenly felt on the album’s closer which was a co-write between Finn and Hester (who also served in the Enz).
48. ‘Inside Out’
Like a shot in the arm at the back end of Intriguer, ‘Inside Out’ is like a classic Oasis B-Side: Jaunty and Jangly Guitar Pop. More of this would have been nice…
…Oh? There was? It was called ‘The Intriguer’ but it can only be found on the bonus disc of the deluxe edition.
47. ‘English Trees’
Full disclosure: When Time on Earth was first released, I had no time for ‘English Trees’. But I was in my mid-twenties and didn’t know shit about shit. Now that I am 40, happily married and have a three year old daughter, I have turned into a sentimental schmuck.
46. ‘Catherine Wheels’
I listened to a lot of Together Alone in my teenage years and it doesn’t matter how many time I heard this song, I was always tricked by when the song ended. The logical sounding end point is about the three minute mark but it keeps going. And then at the four minute mark you think things are wrapping up but we get an extra verse. Long story short, this song could have done with an edit.
45. ‘There Goes God’
As previously stated, to be a fan of Crowded House is to embrace the silliness. ‘There Goes God’ straddles both the wacky (But there goes God / In his sexy pants and his sausage dog) and the profound (What’ll I tell him / When he comes to me for absolution?). It also has a sneaky great Neil guitar line that doesn’t overplay its hand.
44. ‘Walked Her Way Down’
And I want to feel the weightless grasp upon my heavy life
43. ‘In The Lowlands’
These days, Neil Finn and Johnny Marr are good friends. Which makes absolute sense because there are a lot of similarities between Crowded House and The Smiths if you dig a little deeper. Exhibit A is ‘In The Lowlands’ with it’s opening refrain of Oh hell, trouble is coming backed by an upbeat guitar and drum beat. It’s not a million miles away from, say, ‘Panic’.
42. ‘She Called Up’
Following on from The Smiths blueprint, ‘She Called Up’ takes the idea of maudlin lyrics backed by a sunnier tune and dials it up to one thousand. Another song about dealing with the news about Paul’s death but you wouldn’t know it if you weren’t paying attention to the words.
41. ‘Nails In My Feet’
For the most part though, Finn’s lyrics are ambiguous enough that they can mean whatever you want them to mean. Is ‘Nails In My Feet’ an example of Neil’s lapsed Catholic guilt? An allegory for the band itself? Or is it in fact a lush sounding song which is really about a pair of aerating lawn sandals?
40. ‘Love You ’Til The Day I Die’
Sequencing is an important part of the record making process. On the vinyl version of Crowded House this capped off Side A. After four future pop classics, ‘Love You ’Til The Day I Die’ was the gear shift to somewhere a little more weird, though sound wise it hasn’t aged as well as most of their debut.
39. ‘Even A Child’
No longer a hypothetical discussion, 2007s Time on Earth provided the opportunity for Johnny Marr to co-write with Finn on ‘Even A Child’. Marr’s unmistakable guitar is all over this up beat tune that runs counter to most of the downcast album.
38. ‘As Sure As I Am’
Due to the filler on Woodface, a lot of the really pretty songs at the back end of the album often get neglected. Beautifully led on accordion by Los Lobos’ David Hidalgo, ‘As Sure As I Am’ is proof that a solid ten track version of the album would almost elevate Woodface to their greatest work.
37. ‘A Sigh’
Is ‘A Sigh’ the precise middle song between the bottom half of their discography and the upper echelons? Probably not, but it is the closest they get to an intermission so now seems about the right to to re-fresh and re-group for Part 2 (click here).
